How do we get into trauma? situations? Why do traumatic experiences repeat themselves? How does this work? Let's try to answer this question from an understanding of how traumatic experience works in Gestalt therapy. Trauma is an incomplete gestalt, where the need is unsatisfied (for example, for acceptance from a parent) and/or the emotion has not found its expression (for example, anger in response to criticism “remains inside” and “eats” the bearer himself - self-criticism). When a person satisfies his need or expresses the emotion that has already arisen, then this situation goes into the background - ends, leaving behind an experience of how to act in certain environmental conditions (learning). When the need is NOT satisfied and the emotion has not found its release, then the situation cannot fade into the background and remains incomplete. But, since the energy has been released, it will seek its discharge. And this same energy will “pop up” in any similar situation in which it arose initially. What will prevent you from seeing the current environmental conditions as they are. We can say that past unfinished experience will influence new events, mixing with them, seeking its completion, without taking into account that the situation is already completely different. A person does not let go of his past because he did not receive the necessary experience there and continues to look for what he wanted before. !Although the people around you are no longer the ones who can give you what you really want. Which hurts more and more. So the son will seek approval and acceptance from men older in age and higher in status, trying to satisfy his childhood need. And, in fact, acceptance is needed only from one person - your own father. But as long as this need is not realized, it will be actualized in communication with other men, not finding its release and causing new pain. Another example relates to how events are repeated. If in childhood a girl was shouted at and criticized by someone older. This girl felt anger in response to criticism, but expressing it was even more unsafe. Therefore, the anger remained inside and the girl criticized, blamed and shamed herself. And when she grew up, she could already answer, but according to the usual pattern, “she left the anger inside.” And energy requires its discharge, so communication situations where there is even one hint of criticism will cause more anger than necessary. What will be more difficult to keep. And so in a circle: criticism - anger, anger - self-criticism and shame. And so on until the circle is broken through awareness and acceptance of one’s anger at criticism from the outside, at the one who criticizes. Not situations are repeated, but our incomplete gestalts (emotions and needs) are mixed with the new, making them almost identical in experience where the trauma occurred. What to do ❓✴️Look for similarities between repeating situations;✴️Identify your needs and emotions that have not been completed;✴️Accept this energy as your own (it’s me who is angry, it’s me who wants acceptance from...);✴️ Make a choice to satisfy the need and express emotions, or stick to the usual pattern of actions;✴️✴️Try “how can I do it differently.” You can look for a new experience only when the need is accepted and the past pattern of actions is rejected. When you are ready for a new experience At the same time, it should be implemented in the safest environment, without unnecessary risks. There is no need to shout and call everyone around after you have accepted your anger. There you need to gradually establish contact with your aggressiveness in order to be able to manage it. Tatyana Zavatskaya, psychologist, gestalt therapist, biofeedback specialist. Sign up for a consultation by phone in the contacts section