From the author: Article from LJ by O. Matveev. Curious. And it’s really difficult to do, especially for men. But there is something to strive for :) How to react when someone sends you an obscene word. Once they asked me: “How would you react if someone sent you to ...?” – I didn’t immediately know how to explain. Today, I remembered this and instantly realized this list of perception options: You can take it personally and somehow react based on this. (usually people get offended). Remember that there is a subjective world of the interlocutor in which he sends. (to be less offended and try to understand him). Remember that there is also the environment, society, groups, “maybe I ended up in a group to which he is hostile?” (There remains the possibility of resentment for being included in the group. Note that the latter is similar to the well-known expression “I came up with it myself - I was offended myself” :-D). To realize this ladder of exteriorization and perceive it “as it is” - there is everything described above, and indeed there is me as a participant situations, and the causality for what is happening is somehow distributed over everyone (subject, object, environment, reality), and most importantly, there is me, who is aware of this whole thing. In NLP there is a term “position”. Let me restate what was said above: The associated position is precisely a personal point of view. You-position is the point of view of the interlocutor. Meta-position is an external point of view. It seems to me that this point will be the awareness of the abstraction of this model and a look at the situation completely from the outside, from beyond all points of view included in the situation. An apt metaphor: looking at the game from outside the game. In that regard, understanding each of the above perspectives is not a particularly unique skill, it is simply a holistic approach to communication and perception and can be developed. But unfortunately, if everything sounds good in theory, in practice things are much worse. Often, it is difficult to fully understand your point of view, but even if this is possible to some extent, then understanding the position of the interlocutor is usually terrible - it is often easier to strangle the interlocutor than to show empathy. Or at least pretend to yourself that you understood him. The ability to understand an interlocutor can be reformulated as the ability to mentally put on his skin “as is,” and this skill is not the easiest to develop, and even if it seems that you have developed it, the question is whether you perceive the person, or some other person. then your images of him, which somehow somehow remind you of him. The last one comes to the question of foreign definition. This also affects the 3rd point. Everyone is familiar with the expression “look at the situation objectively,” but the question is how much data from his associated position is contained in this objectivity. And I’m not talking about absolute objectivity - all these points of view, by definition of thinking, are in the subjective world of the individual. The question is the flexibility of behavior and it directly depends on the level of awareness. Non-judgmental observation, Communication Cycles, the ARC Triangle, NGO skills, elaboration of a different definition and much, much more... - building blocks that harmoniously form together, into understanding. From the notes O. Matveeva