As a continuation of the previous article, let's talk a little more about hostility. As a psychoanalyst, I adhere to the idea that any feeling or emotional state cannot be clearly “positive” or “negative,” and certainly not good or bad. But any feeling performs certain functions for us. And if we understand which ones, we will be able to determine which needs manifest themselves in this way, and finally, find a more successful way to satisfy them. As an example, let’s take that very feeling of hostility coming from the outside, in which, at first glance, there is nothing good and nothing useful. However, we can see that this emotional state serves several functions: It gives a feeling of attention to you. Despite the fact that this attention is negatively colored, it is, nevertheless, attention. To someone who, in your opinion, is showing hostility towards you, you should be very concerned. Allows you to resist the feeling that “nobody needs me,” which is much more terrible and painful than any hostility. “Legalization” of one’s own aggression and “getting rid of” feelings of guilt. If I feel that someone or something is threatening me, this very feeling makes my own aggressive response “correct” and “justified.” And also – directed outward. Thus, the feeling of guilt seems to disappear (in fact, of course, it does not disappear), since guilt presupposes recognizing oneself as the source of aggression and accepting responsibility for it. But guilt is a very unpopular feeling; it almost always appears next to the desire to “get rid” of oneself. The methods of getting rid of them are well known: - direct accusation: “it’s someone else’s fault, I have nothing to do with it at all” - accusation of provocation: “I still did something not very good, but because I was provoked, the provocateur is responsible for my reactions, and not me” - finding out “who started it first”: if I can prove that my partner was the first to show aggression, any aggressive response of mine becomes justified (and it doesn’t matter that it may be absolutely disproportionate to the initial impact). 3. A feeling of control over the situation through proactive actions: I will blame, criticize, and otherwise violate someone else’s space. It is important that I do it first, before the other “has time.”4. Hostility is often accompanied by the idea that the partner is somehow laying claim to the resources that belong to me, wants to take away something that I have (the simplest example of this is jealousy). In this case, the presence of hostility confirms that I really have these same resources, and that they are of some value. Now let’s reformulate the functions into needs: Numbers 1 and 4 together - the need to feel needed by someone, valuable, possessing resources and opportunities. In a broader sense - the need for contact and interaction, simply in this case - expressed in the language of aggression. Number 2 - the need to experience aggressive reactions as acceptable and possible (which opens the way to the opportunity to independently experience feelings of guilt, without “transferring” it to anyone) Number 3 – the need to feel active, the initiator of actions, to experience a feeling of “agency”, to overcome the feeling of passivity and helplessness (which, in turn, is the most important component of a feeling of security). In this way, you can analyze any of your own emotional responses, even the very first look, “unnecessary” or “harmful”. The more of your states and reactions become understandable, justified and acceptable for you, the higher the stability of your psyche (because you don’t have to separate pieces from yourself, getting rid of the supposedly “unnecessary”), the richer your inner space (more puzzles - more beautiful mosaics) and more comfortable being with yourself. Thank you for your attention! Subscribe to my Telegram channel: https://t.me/psychology_of_aliveness Sign up for a consultation @pershikova_psychoanalyst