From the author: A mince of personas, roles and feelings of a person often makes life worse. We paint ourselves into a corner, not understanding why at work and at home everything is getting worse, falling out of our hands, managers they attack you, your subordinates get offended, and you become a bad person in the eyes of the whole world. Many clients come up with the topic “Difficulties in professional relationships.” This is the manager - subordinate, colleagues, partners. People are unable to build the format of relationships in which interaction gives those effects and results that are necessary in the work. A recent case, a client asked: “I am the head of a department, I have a person subordinate to me who cannot cope with his duties. My management demands a plan from me, I demand it from him, but he doesn’t follow through. He is a good person, I have known him for a long time, he worked well in his previous place. I need to somehow say that if this continues, I will need to look for a replacement in his place. But I can’t, I’m afraid, I don’t know how to build a conversation so as not to feel guilty later, how to talk correctly without feeling like an accuser and not suffering from my management for not fulfilling the plan. He’s a good person, but I don’t want to have problems either.” In such a request, the confusion of roles (manager, subordinate) and person (Vasya and Petya) is absolutely clear. It is very easy to understand this by dividing a piece of paper into four columns. Two columns for roles, two for people. We begin to enter into them what belongs to the roles in the prof. environment, and what about people. Immediately, before our eyes, it begins to become clear that the role is a mask, the mask has no feelings. There are clear instructions, like an actor’s script, instructions, actions. A certain set of emotions for adequate perception and response. People in the columns have only feelings, emotions, sensations. The qualities and abilities that a person has may be different from the qualities and abilities required for this position. There is a phrase - “a good person is not a profession.” The whole meaning of the request and the work is hidden here. Example: Manager - job description, what exactly he does and what he is responsible for. The steps and actions of this position in relation to management and subordinates. Directions, recommendations and control. Further, those qualities and abilities that are necessary for effective activity in this place. The person Vasya - the feelings and emotions that exist now, sensations, can be briefly, can be detailed, what arises after what, sequence, hovering in certain states. The qualities and abilities that Vasya has. We write the same about Pete and his position (role). It’s easy to write about the role - the scheme will be the same as Vasya’s. But about the person Petya, if we write without him, then for the most part there will be projections of the client who applied. Having written this, we quickly and clearly get pure roles and a mixture of feelings, where at first Vasya feels bad, but wants to be good, and Petya , which is good in principle but actually bad. Everyone suffers, and they don’t want to suffer at the same time, as if they are throwing a hot pebble at each other, but no one has the opportunity to throw it away. When you ask the question - what is this about for you, what does it look like, pictures from childhood quickly pop up in the client’s mind , where and when it was clearly played. Where it was impossible to express and live your feelings, to defend your borders and territory. Where you had to be good and save face. Distort your feelings and emotions, states and sensations under a mask, persona, the role of a good boy, student, employee. Where sometimes a child finds himself sandwiched between his parents and a younger brother or sister, where the small and weak need to give theirs, while maintaining a carefree and smiling face for their parents. The mask, the role, distorted the person, forcing him to play for himself. If this happens in the world of cinema, on the theater stage, then the actors take a very long time to return to themselves. There are sad cases from the history of “The Idiot”, “The Master and Margarita”. Sometimes such actors become actors of the same type and role forever. The most talented actors are those who!