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I'm not a robot

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If it turns out that the group is against you... It’s a difficult situation, because you have little chance of being perceived as good by this group, no matter how you behave. Except, perhaps, for one chance that the group leaves you: to give up, agree, obey. Sometimes in this case, having insisted on its own, the group calms down and peace comes. (This usually happens if the relationship was good. If the relationship was tense before, then the group most likely will not calm down.) What if you do not allow yourself to be suppressed, if you are still against it? If you have been in such a situation, you don’t need to explain. If you haven’t, you’ve probably seen someone else in that situation. A person who finds himself in a conflict situation “one against all” turns out to be like a fly caught in a web. The more one tries to act (and energetic people often find themselves in this position), the more confused one becomes. If a person argues or proves something, he is considered aggressive. If you start avoiding meeting with the group, people conclude that you are ignoring them and that you don’t want to be with the group. (Although one of the hostile actions of the collective may be precisely ignoring this person.) If a person complains to someone, going outside the group, he is a sneak, an informer for the group. And so on. Group members, without thinking about it, use the scapegoat to boost their self-esteem. If he is bad, then they are all good! If he is weak, then they are strong! He can't defeat them. This is a primitive process, but that doesn't mean it's weak. Vice versa. Even if some of the majority have doubts, some do not want to consider themselves an enemy of their common sacrifice. In private, some of these people can communicate quite well with the victim. The “person-group” split is very traumatic for the individual and becomes a source of stress for the group. If the one with whom the group is fighting does not surrender, at the next stage the group begins to openly survive or drive him away. Having squeezed it out, the group may come to a state of blissful symbiosis and unanimity. And take a break from it. Or maybe a new dissident will be found in it, a new split will arise, and everything will start all over again. Usually, after talking about this, people have a question: Is it worth objecting to the group? Is it worth going alone against everyone? First of all, what is described here applies to unhealthy groups. In a healthy group, disagreement can be accepted and discussed. Perhaps this discussion will be a learning experience for the group. But it may turn out that the group responded to your objection with hostility. This in itself is already a signal. And here you are already thinking: how important is the question for you? (If, perhaps, you continue to stand your ground - as they say, “more dear to yourself.”) And someone reads it and says: I didn’t do anything, I didn’t contradict anyone, but they started to persecute me. – And this, unfortunately, happens. In this case, if possible, it is better to leave the place where you are treated this way. As you stay there, you are likely to become increasingly traumatized. This often improves the situation for someone who has changed their place of work or residence. If you have found yourself in similar situations more than once, I advise you to consult a psychologist. I do not agree with those who say that the person who is the subject of bullying is “himself to blame.” This is not a fault, but still something happens in communication without the person’s knowledge that he is again and again made a scapegoat. You can work with this with the help of a psychologist, try to change your reactions and your communication style.

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