Based on the accumulated stories that have passed near me over the years. All coincidences are random. Do you think that widespread voting on the badness or goodness of mothers-in-law would give any result? I bet they would bet on badness. In fact, I’ve come across different stories. Most often, the relationship with the mother-in-law turned out great at first. Mother-in-law:— She taught me a lot about housekeeping—gave practical advice about what approach to take regarding my son (my husband) in this or that case—became like a friend. To the exhibition with her, shopping. I asked how to update my wardrobe taking into account fashion... -I immediately became pregnant, my mother-in-law was so responsive and helpful - She was affectionate, caring, and told me that she always wanted a daughter, just like me.. - She gave us, a young family, good financial support, so much gratitude to her... In general, it began, but ended... Why is this? The image of the husband’s mother is initially loaded with: 1. Stories from the parental family. Often when a girl gets ready to get married, she is afraid of copying her mother’s relationship with her husband’s mother. Because of this, she may act coldly, distantly, and biasedly. Thus, the vector of the relationship initially becomes incorrect. 2. The girl’s maternal image is split. Then, instead of the image of a real mother-in-law, an angelic or demonic one is seen. He may be split due to a traumatic relationship with his mother. Physical or emotional abuse, a distant mother, as a result of experiencing his own grief (death of loved ones, divorce, other losses). In general, a cold mother due to the peculiarities of her upbringing, or as a result of illness, PTSD, or something else. Returning to the relationship with the mother-in-law. It’s good when the husband’s mother is far away and her influence on the life of the family is minimal. However, there are often cases when the mother-in-law lives in another city, but has influence on the spouses, makes video calls, regardless of the wishes of the couple. Especially when children appear. Oh, how difficult it is for a mother to refuse to see them. It turns out that a mother-in-law can really violate family boundaries. Strong and frank. Or imperceptibly, but effectively. Or maybe she is “not as scary as she is painted”, she does not have a special influence on her husband/wife, but different influences are attributed to her. Or minor little things are blown out of proportion, often beyond the desire.—In my mind, I understand everything. We must not pay attention. Well, I fed my son candy, so what, he sees him once a month. It “carries” me. I want to prove and prove her wrong. Even with herself.—We need to tell her that there is no need to put a hat on her daughter in 25 degrees. We will not allow you to wear a hat on the alley. But I can not. I'm afraid of conflict. Summary. If you understand that something wrong is clearly happening in your relationship with your mother-in-law, then you need to work with transference. In order to see your husband’s mother as an ordinary woman, with her own advantages and disadvantages. With whom you can calmly build a relationship with the distance you need. With respect to you, Elena Kislova. Sign up for a consultation: +7 (913) 985-72-92 (WhatsApp, Telegram). Subscribe to my Telegram channel: https://t.me/psychologist_ElenaKislova