“I can’t get it out of my head”, “I want to know why this happened to me”, “Why did this happen?”, “I feel so bad, I can’t thinking about anything else is just terrible,” “Life isn’t fair. Why did this happen to me?” and various other options for “chewing” thoughts, the so-called “mental chewing gum.” Constantly replaying the same thing in your head, an obsessive thought or memory does not go away and constantly pops up in your consciousness... The tendency to constantly think about your life, “mental debriefing” also increases the likelihood that a person falls into depression more easily and finds it more difficult to find a way out her. - The concentration of thoughts occurs on the negative, on traumatic experiences. - You ask yourself unanswered questions (“Why?”) and feel even more helpless. - Attention is focused on the feeling of helplessness and powerlessness. - You complain to yourself about events, facts, people , circumstances over which you have no control. - You fall out of real life, do not solve problems and do not take real steps for change. Just “chewing” your experiences and unsuccessfully searching for answers. With all this, we believe that by endlessly scrolling through all these (same) thoughts, we will still see and find the answer, we just didn’t pay attention to some very important detail before. They didn’t take it into account, they missed it, and from here we don’t see the answer. “We need to think more and the answer will appear! And then I will understand everything and certainly won’t step on the same rake!” - thereby we drive ourselves into an even greater dead end and greater helplessness in the face of life events. Meanwhile, time passes. What escapes this system of thinking is that even if you think for a day, you will not know why other people did what they did, what they think about you, or what they are hiding. It is very rare to know for sure the reason why someone acted the way they did. And obsessive thoughts cannot help us leave the past behind and move on - they firmly keep our gaze in the rear-view mirror. They do not allow you to move on; they block both thinking and action. Yes, we need to periodically think about the past to process and gain experience, but by obsessively thinking about something (see signs above), we enter a state of “stupor” and deprive ourselves of real actions. “Are these endless thoughts of mine really doing me any good? Or are they still harming me and depriving me of my strength?” “Will I be better off if I keep thinking about it? Or do I notice that my mood is only getting worse and I’ve completely stopped noticing the “+”?” Stop and think about it. - Absolute certainty and clarity do not exist. -Getting answers to the events of the past will not help you live better today. - Only real actions and small steps towards achieving goals change reality. - If you constantly look in the rearview mirror, you will definitely not go far and not where you want. - Accept uncertainty, both the causes and events of the past and the future. Uncertainty is NEUTRAL We ourselves “hang” on it the expectation of negativity or a catch (and occasionally pleasant surprises). And she's just neutral. “I don’t know” is just “I don’t know” without “cons” or “pros”. Life can be different, and some events do not always have meaning, and this meaning may not always be available to us. You can simply close, complete the topic of the past and move on to a new chapter of life, you can learn to accept life events as a given, learn to “withstand” your emotions and possible uncertainty. Learn to see pleasure in life “here and now” and then giving meaning and chewing on past events will simply cease to matter.