From the author: Question and answer: how to determine a person’s personal qualities and orientation? #question_answerQuestion: <<How to thoroughly know a person, who he really is?>>Answer: By actions and by values ​​(not declared, but real) - for this you need to collect reliable biographical information about the decision-making of this person (including . in critical situations). But in fact, many people know how to “camouflage” real motives with social desirability, so watch your speech - in “randomly breaking through” phrases there is sometimes more information than in the entire biography... And most importantly, do not deceive yourself - if a person “left someone” then without help in a difficult life situation” - this did not “accidentally” happen to him, it will continue to happen in similar cases. Using psychological and other test methods, we can only determine probable capabilities, inclinations and orientation, but we cannot say with certainty how and in what situation a person will act. We can only determine the expected potential and the expected course of action in the proposed circumstances, which will be determined by the current leading motive, real values ​​and beliefs formed on the basis of previous life experiences of a given person. An example from legal psychology: the personality profiles of criminals and operatives are very similar, they are almost identical in tests - and they differ only in their value system and focus in their activities. (i.e., some catch others precisely because they are similar and can model their thinking and mode of action quite reliably). Here is my general idea and finding out “who is who” - then you need to look specifically at who and why you are trying to recognize. For personal life - this is one thing, for heroic deeds in the profession - another. For personal life - the stages of choice, recognition and formation of relationships: We choose a good suitable candidate (based on questionnaires, correspondence, external signs and pleasant communication for you personally - in general, a circle There is no need to narrow down the choice at this stage, because online and during fleeting meetings you can “miss the main thing”). Method of selection: write down the qualities that we want to have - and then make appointments, contact possible candidates, find out if you match Are you with him in areas of life that are important to you.! Three dates maximum for making a decision - to date further or not! During these dates, find out whether he is suitable for your interests and values ​​that are significant to you or not (for example, if a person is late three times - and you hate being late, then most likely he has very flexible boundaries in the matter of accuracy and specificity - but you are not, and over time this will irritate and frustrate you more and more. And if as an acquaintance this person is quite good, then as a partner it is most likely unlikely to suit you). If not, do not invite further and do not agree to dates yourself. This is important because then there will be an addiction - and you will begin to convince yourself that “the person is normal and quite suitable,” but this will be a compromise of the type “for lack of fish and cancer, fish”) Then, when the “suitable” one comes across, then meetings and relationships without intimacy for at least six months (at least) in order to get to know a person and not become attached on a sexual level. It is important to start conversations to discuss personal qualities - WHAT EXACTLY is important in a family besides external attractiveness and dreams of a joint vacation (some couples even go as far as drawing up family regulations and agreements on the main issues in their opinion of living together and building a family). To do this, you can watch films together and discuss the characters - clarify their motives for behavior. For example, a very good film "Before We Part" (2015) - for studying the situation of separation and the emergence of new relationships, about deep affection (love?), about the way decisions are made and experiences. Questions for discussion after watching together: - who saw what was productive in their !