From the author: It is a great thing and great courage to take the responsibility of an Adult and, if necessary, protect the rights of your children. But this is how we can show our parental love. The topic of bullying today is relevant and familiar to many (translated from English bully: psychological terror, beating, bullying one person by another). Its main features are the inequality of power between the aggressor and the victim. Society is gradually becoming aware of this problem; there are fewer and fewer of those (including those interested and involved in the field of education) who brush it off and say that the victim of bullying is to blame himself. Most publications and discussions are devoted to issues of relationships, where the main characters are the student (the victim of bullying) and a group of students. But it happens that the person committing unlawful actions against a child is a teacher (now I’m talking about exactly this situation, without exaggerating the problem, but not downplaying it either). When my children were in school, the need for their protection was precisely from actions teachers, arose more than once. Both then and now I believe that I did the right thing, delving into the situation as much as possible and necessary. In the ninth grade, my eldest daughter suddenly began to receive bad marks in life safety. According to her, in class she worked as usual, homework was completed. When there were too many bad marks, she reluctantly admitted to me that for a couple of months now the teacher (a man) had been “getting to the bottom” of her. At that moment, the daughter was friends with a boy from the 11th grade. For some reason, this turned out to be a circumstance that the teacher accepted with difficulty. At almost every lesson he asked his daughter why they were communicating, he allowed himself all sorts of hints, literally saying the following: “It’s too early for you to be with boys,” “I’m sure, instead of learning my lesson, you spent time with him,” “ Where are your parents looking? and everything like that. In general, the teacher was quickly put in his place, fortunately I worked in the prosecutor’s office and knew the provisions of the laws. I made an appointment with him and came to school, asking in advance to prepare a grade book, my daughter’s notebooks, as well as regulatory documents (including those of the educational institution) regulating issues of current academic performance and containing provisions on the grading system, the characteristics of each digital mark. He admitted the wrongfulness of his behavior, his daughter’s grades were corrected, and his behavior was corrected. But for a long time I was left with a bad feeling and misunderstanding of why the teacher decided that he had the right to moralize my daughter on such a delicate issue, instilling a feeling of guilt and traumatizing her?! Another respected female teacher constantly made comments to my teenage daughter about her clothes - well, she didn’t like the fact that the girl wore skirts and black blouses/shirts. And do you know why? - according to the teacher, “only drug addicts” can dress like this. As they say, it would be funny if it weren’t so sad... By the way, we are talking about the elite lyceum of our city. There are many reasons for such behavior of school teachers. The simplest and perhaps familiar example to many: a smart/well-read/curious/ambitious student corrects (complements) the teacher in class, demonstrating his knowledge. Another option: the child’s behavior suffers, he is active, restless and really interferes with the teacher’s lesson. It is difficult to imagine that such a situation could bring pleasure to a teacher. The question is how he deals with it. Obviously, this poses a greater problem for a teacher who is afraid of losing his authority, and the reasons for this can be different: inexperience (although this is not at all necessary), a desire (perhaps unconscious) to dominate the class, inability to cope with stressful moments (we are all living People). Another situation: the student, without meaning to, “steps on the teacher’s sore spot” - he behaves too freely and independently; dresses “too” flashy/expensively, does something else that “doesn’t fit into any corners”.... In this case, the teacher is annoyed ina boy/girl has something that he cannot (and/or does not want) to allow himself, and this process is unconscious. In this case, the child’s behavior is a trigger for the teacher to raise internal, deep processes that have nothing to do with the actions and actions of the student. And the nagging towards the child begins - small and large: underestimation of academic results, verbal and written comments. Sometimes the teacher’s personal hostility manifests itself in the form of ridicule, insults, violation of the child’s boundaries, and passive aggression. As a rule, parents do not always find out about such a situation quickly. If a teacher's persecution of an “unwanted” student results in lower grades, the child may hide his or her performance results until they become known to parents at the end of the quarter/term. If the teacher's negative attitude manifests itself in the form of nagging, ridicule, and personal insults, the child may and not share with the parent at all, thinking that he deserved such an attitude, not understanding its toxicity, or experiencing a feeling of guilt inspired by the teacher. It is very important here how the parent will react to the situation after learning about it. Unfortunately, many fathers and mothers , without understanding it, they rush to blame the child, saying something like the following: - it’s your own fault - you’re already big, figure it out yourself, I won’t go into it - I won’t go to school and don’t intend to - I believe Maryivanna, but I know you like crazy... and so on. Their motives are quite understandable: * I don’t want to delve into this, it’s unpleasant for me * the teacher is reasonable and mature, and it’s easier for me to trust him * my child is a D/C student/doesn’t know how to behave in a group - now everyone will think: I’m a bad mother/ bad father. We urgently need to take action for the child! It happens that it is at this moment that family relationships “spark” because the child is going through a teenage crisis and normal contact with him has been lost. If a parent chooses such a simple and convenient tactic for himself, then this is very difficult for the child. The parent's message is: I don't support you. You are not important to me. I do not trust you. The teacher is more important to me than you. What is the right thing to do? How can a parent be aware of this situation? You need to INCLUDED in it, because it is the parent who is a significant Adult in the child’s life, and it is he who is able to most optimally understand and protect the child, show him his importance in the family as a system of relationships. An important point: inclusion in the situation assumes that parents in every In any case, it is necessary to reliably find out the reason for what happened, because in any conflict it is IMPORTANT to hear both sides! You can find out the real picture by talking with the teacher. As a rule, this can clarify a lot. It is desirable and correct to remain emotionally stable in a conversation. If the illegality of the teacher’s behavior towards the child is confirmed, you can resort to appealing his actions to the administration of the educational institution or to higher (including supervisory) authorities. The most drastic option is to change the teacher/school. If this decision - to take such an important step in the interests of the child (quite possibly the only correct one) - is accepted by the parent without hysterics and blaming everyone and everything, then the child experiences it normally, as a valuable life experience. I believe that you don’t need to be super smart and brave to protect your child. One psychologist and business coach I respect (by the way, he was a former head teacher of a school) said these golden words: “When my son’s school teacher tells me that she is alone, but there are many students, I answer her: “It’s you, there are many teachers, but the child has me alone.” Many parents, in a situation that requires their intervention, feel fear of the TEACHER, and this is understandable: an adult remembers himself at school age, and these memories are not always pleasant. Hence such a “childish” position: I’m not responsible for this (I won’t/don’t want to). There is another kind of fear that I encounter during the consultation - mothers say: if I interfere, it will only get worse, the teacher will generally “spread” my child and will be on it.