Why does a parent suffer “defeat” in a conflict situation with a child? And what in this case is considered a defeat and what is a victory? A conflict is a clash between two sides. There are two ways from this situation: * It can turn into a fight. * It can lead to a solution to the situation. If you go from a conflict with your child to a fight, then you have already lost your position as a parent. Initially, in a parent-child relationship, everything is set out and has its own laws . Everyone has their own position, their own role, their own significance, their own value, responsibility, and their own tasks. And when some serious conflict begins between a parent and a child, many feelings come to the surface, they take over and prevent you from seeing what is happening in its purest form. Because of this, there is a loss of reference points and a loss of positions, and this leads to a loss of understanding of “what is happening?” and “what should I do?” Like when you unexpectedly go under water: you wave your arms, you don’t see anything, you feel fear, you flounder, you waste energy, you panic, you create unnecessary body movements, you don’t understand which direction the air is in until you jump to the surface and take a breath to regain your orientation in space and at least some understanding of what is happening. After the parent loses his position, the following happens: the meaning of the conflict - the disagreement itself - fades into the background and the struggle, the confrontation of the two sides, comes to the surface. The parent, in addition to wanting to “resolve the conflict,” begins to win back his position, his authority from the child, that is, he begins to fight with the child for his authority, at times without even realizing it. Do you understand the pointlessness of the situation? It is pointless to prove to your child what is already a fact: you are his parent, he is your son/daughter. This is a given and a fact. Why waste energy proving that you are his parent and you are in charge. It seems pointless and only leads to a struggle that has no meaning, no end, no solution. Here we are no longer talking about finding a solution to the conflict, you are doing other things, but you don’t see it and you think that you are solving the conflict that has arisen, which is why it seems so difficult for you, you are under water. By winning your position from your child, you will not find a solution to the conflict. The topic of the collision is already different. You either already lost your “parental position” before this conflict, or you had a conflict situation and because of your own internal (your personal) questions, you lost your position as a parent. What does it mean to fight with a child - it means measuring strength. Question. For what? If, while reading this text, you recognize your situation, please answer this question the way you can. Why are you testing your strength with your child? You don’t need to do this. You just need to know that you are stronger than your son or daughter, because you are his mom or dad. This is how it was initially. Remember, I wrote earlier in posts about the palm. Whatever your situation is now, and no matter how old your child is, you need to regain your position as a parent. Now raise your palm in front of you. Open it. Imagine yourself and your son/daughter standing in the palm of your hand. This is the position of a parent. See relationships with children in a way where you simultaneously organize the space and participate in the situation. At the same time, you regulate the process and participate in it, you see the whole situation. This is the task of the parent, not the child. And only by understanding this and knowing this can you regain your position, your power as a mom or dad. Everything else will be a showdown between either two children, and you and I are clearly not “children,” or he will accept the rules of the game where you are “little “, and will grow up inside much faster, knowing that you are weak and can “fall apart” in other conflicts, will become your parent within yourself, protecting your “fragile feelings.” He will become stronger than you, but the contact will no longer be close, this is a disruption in the course of life and a rejection of his adult role in favor of his son/daughter. Or another variant of the struggle, where the parent provokes the child to compete without realizing it. First of all, it's not fair49