A little about how to talk in order to understand your child and so that the child understands you. Use phrases to reflect the child's ideas and feelings. “You are the messages” are descriptive. They should be distinguished from “you-statements,” which are accusatory in nature. “You-messages” can describe the child’s feelings that he himself cannot yet understand or say or does not know how. Such turns of phrase encourage him to express himself. Examples: - You are sad because... - You are upset because... - You are angry because Zhenya did not allow you to play with her new doll. This is an example of You-statements that are descriptive. - Well, how are you?... - Do you see how you behave? - It is you again…. These are figures of speech that are accusatory in nature. It should be noted that having identified the child’s feelings, it is necessary to understand that there are no bad or good feelings. They just are. When children are allowed to freely express negative feelings, they disappear as if by magic. Suppressing these feelings has self-destructive consequences. They don't go away and can lead to self-hatred, headaches, ulcers and violent behavior. Let me remind you once again that in communication actions are disapproved, but emotions cannot be condemned. They simply exist and are celebrated and recognized whenever possible. Say do it more often than don't. Tell your child what to do instead of what not to do. It is difficult to use the words do more often than do not, especially if adults already have the habit of repeating no. It is very difficult to break old habits. Using the word “yes” instead of “no” requires more imagination and practice. However, improving your relationship with your child will make your efforts worthwhile. Talk to your children the way you would talk to your friends. If adults interacted with their children with the same consideration as they do with their friends, they would be able to communicate truly effectively and move toward great relationships. Listen carefully. Get rid of what bothers you and pay attention to what the child says. At times, adults may have to put aside what they are doing and listen to what the baby is saying. It's difficult to operate the vacuum cleaner, cook dinner, read the newspaper and, at the same time, pay enough attention to what he is trying to say. Don't pretend you're listening when you're not. If you are busy - talking on the phone or receiving guests - tell your child: “I’m busy now, let’s talk about it later.” Then be sure to follow through. Don't point, but talk to your children. Our children are not subordinates; directions are not a style that can help build rapport. Talking down to a child is one-way communication. When we talk to children, it's a two-way process where you say something to him and then listen to what he would like to say. Developing the habit of talking to your children instead of giving orders in a “downing manner” will help you especially when your child reaches adolescence. Use “I phrases” to convey your thoughts and feelings “I phrases” are a statement of fact. They let the child understand how his behavior affects the feelings of adults. Often children do not know how their actions affect others. It’s good to tell them about this. You - phrases, as mentioned above, are often accusatory in nature (Look how you upset me). At the same time, I - the turn only helps to show what is happening (Now I'm upset). Get your child's attention before you start talking to him Children can only concentrate on one thing at a time. Address the child by name, and give him time to turn his attention to you before you start saying anything. Otherwise, Baby may simply not hear you. Express important requests firmly. Say that you mean it and give your child a reason why he should do something at a certain time..