From the author: Modern psychology convinces us that every experience, every human emotion carries value and meaning. There are such complex experiences in our lives as guilt and resentment, which always “go together.” In this article I want to talk about the meaning of these experiences and how they can be useful. The first thing that a feeling of guilt and a feeling of resentment can be valuable is that they mark what does not suit us. When a person is offended, this is a signal that he has met in the environment something that does not fit into his personal ideas about himself or about the world (offended by someone’s words, offended by someone’s action). Resentment arises from something that is “not about me,” “not for me.” And guilt arises when the person himself has done something unacceptable, disapproved by himself or his environment. A person painfully experiences his individual badness, his inadequacy. The second meaning of these feelings - a chronic feeling of guilt or resentment marks a stop, “freezing” of a person’s personal experience, his acceptance of the existing situation. I propose to plunge more deeply into the mechanism of these experiences. 1) If the feeling of guilt ( resentment) does not go away, look at the situation from a distance: what qualities of the other person appeared, what qualities of yours were relevant at that moment? What did each of you expect? Let’s say that at a certain moment your friend expected you to be in a good mood and relax together, but you were not ready for this and were focused on personal plans. Subsequently, a feeling of guilt arises, for example, in the form of thoughts “I’m a bad friend, I didn’t support her.” Here guilt takes away the chance to accept oneself, the value of one’s personal goals, qualities, desires. Chronic feelings of guilt are often felt by perfectionists who want to do everything right, to meet the expectations of everyone around them, and who do not notice or recognize their right to individuality and uniqueness. Refusing a friend means “not ideal”, “you don’t measure up, which means you’ll suffer and feel guilty.” Such “prefectionism” can be conveyed by others, and very often it simply settles in our heads and interferes with the person himself (a friend, perhaps, did not even reproach him for anything, but there is still a feeling of guilt). 2) Look at yourself, what you What in yourself do you not accept, devalue, what in yourself do you not want to reckon with? Accept yourself as you are. Allow yourself to just be and live. Thus, the internal obsessive feeling of guilt gives a signal that we do not accept in ourselves, which we want to disown. It could be weakness, it could be sadness, it could be something that doesn’t carry the sign of “cool” and doesn’t inspire admiration. Allow yourself to be imperfect, but more alive and different. ACCEPT YOUR REAL SELF! The feeling of resentment seems to be less painful, because... its reason is seen in the actions of another person: “He offended me by ...!” Resentment prevents you from recognizing another person, his manifestations and qualities. Resentment rejects the unpredictability and diversity of life, fixes a person, and prevents the expansion of his experience of interaction. When partners begin to notice more “what am I?” “What is he like?” “what is different about us” and “what each of us wants”, curiosity takes the place of feelings of guilt and resentment. And there is a lot of good in this, there is an opportunity to DISCOVER each other more, to contact each other. In the same situation, each person has a different experience, each satisfying their unique needs. There is not a single identical person in the world, everyone is different. The important thing is that you can gain experience only in contact with something different, new, different from yourself, from what is already known and accepted. And the brighter these differences, the more intense the experiences and sensations in this experience will be! Be curious about yourself and others, accept yourself and others, expand your experience!