!! !!!![b]A story about transferring feelings associated with a loved one to your manager.!![/b]!!The story of my clients (names have been changed).!! Nikolai’s “difficult relative” was his mother, she loved him so much that she simply smothered him with her love. She did not allow him to take a single step on his own. His mother tormented him with endless control, in the form of daily calls and endless questions. When Nikolai was a child, he recognized only the opinion of his mother; she was very powerful and uncompromising. Mom demanded unquestioning fulfillment of all her instructions. The post-perestroika businesswoman, accustomed to acting with pressure and fury, like a “steam roller,” rudely and unceremoniously imposed her opinion, violating the personal boundaries of her son. Nikolai tried to solve this problem for a long time. But every time he ran into the fury of misunderstanding, and then tears, plus manipulation on the part of his mother. And all the important, fateful decisions in his life were made with her participation. The choice of university, specialty, friends, fiancee, apartment, car... the list goes on and on. “What's wrong with that? Maternal care makes my son’s life better.” She stated, not understanding where the catch was. And Nikolai himself was constantly tormented by the understanding that he was not living his own life, but someone else’s, invented by his mother. Nikolai’s career was built quite successfully; immediately after graduation, he got a job at a large oil company, where over time, he was appointed head of the department. He worked in a women's team, where he was loved, respected and appreciated for his understanding of the female soul. Everything would have continued like this if one fine day a woman who very much reminded him of his mother had not been appointed director of his department. She was just as domineering and picky, temperamental and loud-voiced. And Nikolai, without realizing it, transferred the feelings he felt for his mother to the headmistress. No, I’m not talking about filial love. We are talking about the fear of the domineering nature and childish timidity that overcomes him in front of his mother. If earlier Nikolai showed himself as a person who was quite confident and experienced in his field of activity, now it was as if he had been replaced. Every time he visited the director’s office, he turned pale and nervous. It ended with sweaty palms and a confused look on Nikolai's face. He was confused and mumbled in response to the leader’s questions. He ignored important business details. His head was ringing like a watermelon in the presence of this lady. After a certain period of time, he was so exhausted by the current situation that he decided to quit altogether. One of the department employees persuaded him to use his last chance and turn to a psychologist to rectify the situation. Work with this client was carried out according to a program I developed, which included “clarifying relations with mom”, “creating a model of constructive relationships with mom”, “working with feelings for mom and transferring them to the headmistress”, etc. The client’s openness, his readiness to work allowed him to successfully achieve results. Nikolai’s mother perceived the changes in his behavior positively, “Well, you’ve grown up, son! She said, wiping away tears.” At work, things were looking up for Nikolai. The headmistress no longer evoked emotion. An even, confident relationship with her has become the norm for him. This is just one example when unclear relationships and the negative feelings that accompany them control a person’s life, his destiny, his career. Sometimes you may not be aware of why your coworker makes you feel the way you do. Even office romances happen. Families are falling apart. All that was needed was to clarify the relationship with the “difficult relative.” Another example. The client had a difficult relationship with her father. The father died, but the feelings of resentment mixed with daughterly love remained. The mechanisms of our psyche are such that the need to understand, to live these feelings again, is so great that it finds a way out in the most unexpected and)