If you look at the definition of this term, it talks about the systematic violation of boundaries, suppression of the will of the partner, cruelty and humiliation that someone in a couple allows themselves towards the other. Most likely, the one who is interested in this title already suspects that he is in such a relationship in the role of a conditional (or unconditional) victim. The aggressor would not be interested in reading about the reasons for his behavior, so let's pass this opportunity. What brought you to this point of interpersonal interaction? Why do you think the relationship that suited you resulted in such a complex, distressing situation? It’s worth mentioning that no matter how much you would like to start going over the accusations against your abusive partner, this will not bring long-term relief, just like comparing the periods in which everything was perfect, and at one unfortunate moment it suddenly became terrible. Most likely, careful attempts at abusive behavior have always been there, it’s just that at first they were perceived differently, romanticized, for example. The essence of uncomfortable feelings in this relationship: Your partner puts himself first, ignoring needs, desires and freedom. And, if we go a little further: your partner mentally (precisely subconsciously) DOESN’T KNOW about these needs and desires, and freedom for him is like a destructive rivalry: either you or he (s). At the level of dialogue, some kind of verbal understanding of the wrongness of specific actions may or may not be achieved, but it is as if in reality it is not possible to come into contact with sensory experience, to rely on it in the future, and there is a repeated repetition and even an increase in the pace of traumatic situations. - Why everything? began? One of the famous quotes by Sigmund Freud says: “We choose each other for a reason. We meet only those who already exist in our subconscious.” This means that it is not an accident, not a mistake or an illusion that leads a person into certain unions. Therefore, self-reproaches about insufficient observation or a hasty decision to enter into a relationship with the “wrong person” are in fact not entirely honest; they seem to veil a very specific relationship between events and previous experience. Unconscious experience, which may not even be yours personally, but “inherited” from someone with whom identification or counter-identification occurred, depending on the individual history. - Why does this paradoxically continue? So as not to slide into banal examples of this , how a person actually tends to behave in a situation of danger (to avoid it and the circumstances where it can occur), let’s direct an internal look at why these relationships exist, continue, and turn out to be more viable than fantasies about “someone else” , kind, attentive and loving." Any paired relationship, even if we are talking about pairs of opposite qualities, is a co-dependent relationship in which double-edged mechanisms begin to work. That is, the aggressor depends on the victim no less than the victim on the aggressor. Sooner or later, a whole system arises, which outwardly seems amazing, but internally has its own cunningly woven web of pleasures and displeasures. No matter how outrageous this may seem to those who experience physical and mental cruelty from a partner: yes, even in such circumstances there is a place for unconscious pleasure. - What will be the continuation? To the thesis about pleasures and displeasures: over time, the “degree” of displeasures grows, and extracting positive emotions and unique benefits in such relationships becomes more and more expensive from the point of view of mental economics. And those same displeasures are becoming larger and larger. A simple example: the cruelty of a partner, for which he traditionally apologized, over the years casts a shadow on the perception of him as a whole; timely signs of attention and romantic dates no longer overshadow the general fatigue from a disrespectful background, mistrust, emotional, 2023.